party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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