She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
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Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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