If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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