My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
