I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need water and some morals
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize