I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
