JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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