Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
handjob tips. give me some.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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