Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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