We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
