it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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