It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
