highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
