you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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