I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
