just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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