this beer tastes like vomit already
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
