Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
