Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
