Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
