I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
