I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize