I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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