a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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