I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
