maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
