You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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