I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My ass is underappreciated
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
