Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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