Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
