Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
