I wanna bring you to show and tell
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
