I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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