i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
