turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
