So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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