Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
