all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
