i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
