So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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