you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
