I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
