mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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