I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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