you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
