I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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