Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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