The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
