I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
