that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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