worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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