Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
