4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize