But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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