Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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