Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
