I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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