i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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