home. puking in laundry basket.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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