I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
