I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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