Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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