I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
