i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
