If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize