I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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