I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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