remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
