did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
