I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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