I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
